In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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