I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
