I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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