Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You may now shotgun with the bride
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
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