the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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