Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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