I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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