okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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