i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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