I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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