girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
