Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You left your phone here
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