Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
