remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
