alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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