I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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