I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
