I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
