Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
