I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
