he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
