so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
