well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
