I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
