I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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