how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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