They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We are two peas in an std pod
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
