I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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