Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
