so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
