At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
