Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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