she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
