I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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