His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
