I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
