shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
