I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
