ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
