You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
