We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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