I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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