The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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