I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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