I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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