just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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