i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My vagina just recognized that song.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
