Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
