I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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