garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
