He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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