moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
