god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
