There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
