I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
