You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
