Don't you send me to vm
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
