Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
