I think my vagina is haunted
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
