i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
