im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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