you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
