I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
