So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
