Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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