dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
