Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
