So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
