Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
