im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
