Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
smell my finger.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
