i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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