My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
