I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
