Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
