All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
