i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
there is puke in my bra ... again
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
