so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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