I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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