just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
