God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
