lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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