I CAN MOONWALK!
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
