Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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